Curious Questions
by TheWriterWhoIsAlone
Summary: Paige and Emily Missing scenes from before they got together, what they went through and underwent to get to where they are, and how they will cope with the future. PAILY
1. Dinner is ready

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

One can always question themselves. It's perfectly natural. Paige McCullers was one of those girls. She questioned. She questioned what would become of her life. She questioned if she would ever find love. She questioned what her breaking point would be, but most of all, she questioned what was for dinner. She was starved. In her house it smelled so deliciously. Her mouth watered. After a long field hockey practice saying she famished was an understatement.

She went downstairs and her mother was there cooking burgers. She knew it was her favorite.

"Hello Paige-y!"

"Hi mom…" in all honesty she was the only person that ever called her that. It was sort of unusual but only her mother could get away with it.

It would make her feel like a child. She supposed she would always be at least in her eyes.

"The food looks delicious!"

"I'm glad." He mother beamed down "You haven't been eating well I noticed so I just wanted to make sure you got your fill."

There it was. Paige hated lying. She knew it was wrong. It was uncalled for. It was something that just felt immoral, but she would rather deal

with that immorality than deal with her mother knowing just how wrong she was.

Paige didn't want to be like this. She didn't ask for it. She figured that when one Alison Dilaurentis put her in her place it was justified. She shouldn't love herself. Why would she? How could she?

She was not normal, however badly she wanted to be.

"I'm worried about you Paige."

"Mom I'm fine, really. You shouldn't worry yourself you know?"

Paige knew she was justified in her worry. She would sit in class, health mainly as she learned about what it meant to be "healthy". She knew she wasn't.

When teachers and counselors talked about self harm and eating disorders it would make her shrink down in her seat that much more. It was not like she was asking for it, everything to occur. There was just no way for her to feel comfortable within her own skin.

She was "Paige Pig Skin McCullers."

She was the human penalty box.

Paige tried, she tried so hard to be accepted with other kids her own age, it was just difficult. It was easy for her to get lost within her own world, her own mind. Her mother always said she had an old soul but it was more than that. She was different that much was obvious.

It was at these moments that she wished that everything was easy.

Spencer Hastings, Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery, and Hanna Marin all seemed to have it easy. It was because of their leader, the fair haired child, the ruler of the school, the queen bee. She always wondered what made the four so lucky, hefty Hanna, the girl with the striped hair, the human dictionary.

They all were so different but they were the few. Paige had heard Alison talk about them behind one another's back. Paige was immune to her, charm that much was true.

Emily, Emily was a different story. She didn't understand any of it. Why Emily, why everything occurred but when she would come into computer class she would watch her fingers, they were separated by students but she would look. The girl was the reason that she always felt different. When she would see her walk down the hall was when she would feel it. She was beautiful, her hair flowed with little effort.

People asked her, why sports were life, it wasn't for the medals or recognition, but rather it was the only place she felt fully in control.

There were no questions. It was just doing. She was strong, toned, it was the only place she actually felt it.

"I understand baby. I love you girly." Her mom responded.

"I know can I take this up? I have a lot of homework."

Rosewood high was different with every hall. She only wanted relief.

"Honey…" Her mom was about to say no when she was interrupted.

"Please! I got an English report and trig homework. AP classes have been kicking my butt you know that."

"Fine but you better bring down your plate."

She kissed her mom on the cheek as she went upstairs.

The door closed as she entered her room. Here was her escape. She was able to pretend her life outside of this room was nonexistent.

She could lock herself in. She could lock the world out. Nothing would touch her or harm her. Not here. It was freedom from everything that she underwent on a regular basis including herself.

It was where she got her hatred for herself out. She could abuse herself all she wanted in any way when she wanted.

There was a way for her to leave her life behind and she took it every chance she got.

Her father was not a deacon. She didn't go to church on Sundays. She didn't have to be the perfect daughter. It was just her and her laptop. It was her and her mind.

Sometimes she would give herself pleasure but that was rare. It was difficult for her to want to make herself happy, but on the days she saw Emily's smile, that made her happy, it made her want to be happy.

She didn't understand what made Emily special and different in Alison's eyes, but she only wished Emily could look at her the same way that she looked at Alison.

Jealousy would consume her but it would be kept under control.

The anxiety was a lot but she was functioning and that was enough.

One day she would get Alison back, for all the harsh names, for making her feel even more alone. It would happen, she didn't know how or why but she would feel some retribution.

She would not have to feel same shame. In a perfect world there would be no girls like Alison and she would be accepted for what she was and not have to put up any front. She didn't even know what she was, who she was. The person who did their best or the awkward girl Ali made her out to be.

Manipulated, that was the best word to describe it all.

Innocence of childhood was long gone, high school was a different story. Wasn't it supposed to be exciting?

It should not be stressful. Everything should have been wonderfully easy with some difficulty but nothing like this.

Nothing would make her happy than to be able to be, she didn't want to be a freak. Branding was the worst.

She couldn't be a popular jock it was impossible. She couldn't be a brain she wasn't smart enough. There was nowhere to turn to, nowhere to go. This is her life at the moment, a story of a tortured soul. There was no way out. There was no hope, or at least it seemed as there wasn't.

She needed to find an anchor. She needed to find a base.

Paige wanted nothing more than to grow up and leave Rosewood, it was a trap, the city was alive in the worst of ways.


	2. Letters

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

Emily Fields had never experienced anything quite like being where she was. No one understood why she was with the people she was with, her friends. No one but Alison knew, no one else, not fully.

Alison was the average blond beautiful bombshell. She never seemed to age, her face remaining youthful and beautiful. She was never stressed, not like the other girls.

No one knew the little things Ali would whisper in her ear.

"Me you and Paris." That's what she had promised her, tanning on the beach, endless exploration.

She went to talk to her in the library. She had done this many times before. No one could ever pace Alison with Emily.

Emily and Alison had been best friends. Sometimes Alison thought of this and used it to her advantage. She knew Emily had a "Girl Crush" on her.

Alison didn't mean to be mean. It was sometimes as if she were bipolar. She could never decide what she wanted to do, who she wanted to manipulate next.

Whispered words of Pip from Great Expectations were the moment's Emily decided to hold on to.

Emily was always her favorite, that's what she said. Emily saw the good in the world, the good in people.

She was "the sweet one".

Emily could not have known that Paige was having one of the worst days of her life. That she had failed a pop quiz horribly. She was oblivious to the fact that her father told her that they were going on an unexpected retreat that weekend for church, where she knew that girls who would never understand would alienate her.

It was pure paradox. Christians are supposed to be kind, understanding, but she knew if they found out they would never look at her the same. The "eyes of god" wouldn't be in them. They couldn't see past certain things. This is why she was struck with fear anytime she remembered that she had never had a boyfriend.

Emily Field's could not have known that to top all of this off she saw Alison kiss Emily. Though the book shelves.

It was not intentional. She would try to avoid Emily and her feelings as much as she could. Bury them down. Act like nothing existed, which included her own being.

She would fade into the background.

Emily did not know that Paige always hated "Great Expectations".

When Paige saw Emily in bright summer colors though she could not help but feel her palms get sweaty, mainly she saw the button on her cover being just low enough to be beautiful but modest.

It was the same thing Emily felt for Alison when she saw her in lip gloss.

This was the day that Paige found this out.

She saw the girl with pools of chocolate eyes kiss the blond haired goddess.

It was a perfect fairy tale. It seemed logical, but at the same time, it all felt so wrong.

Paige felt so confused, even more now. Emily was like her. She was not alone. This excited her. Anger also rose. How dare Alison get everything, even the one thing that she knew she could never have.

How dare Alison take the other girl, defile her in this way. She knew if she ever broke her heart, that would be it, she couldn't stand to see

Emily sad. She barely knew the girl, but knew she was not good news.

Paige laughs to herself bitterly, she sounded like her parents.

One day the girl would get what she deserved.

Little did Paige know the main character in her nightmares would end up hurting Emily. Alison would make the kiss meaningless, the one thing that all three longed for, meaningless. It was Paige who wanted the kiss with the girl that made her feel, it was Emily who wanted the kiss with the one girl who made her feel special who she idolized, but it was Alison who longed for the power which she now had. It was all meaningless.

Paige was not one to be protective but when she would learn this fact it would fester. Most might think she was a player but she was not. Inside she was a scared little girl.

"Aw poor Paige why do you look so distraught honey?" It was Mona. She was vindictive everyone knew that. She was Hanna's best friend until, well, she was dropped when she moved on to bigger and better things. The average nerd however, nothing could change her, she was like Paige in that way, the ugly ducklings with no hope.

Mona saw Ali too, along with Emily. She saw the whole thing. She looked with so much interest, it made Paige even more afraid than what she had just witnessed.

"Don't tell Mona. Please, it would destroy her." Paige begged.

"Destroyed you all ready, that much is obvious."

Mona saw everything, she was everywhere at once. She was harmless though, she knew better than to go against the tide. Alison was queen, no question about it.

"No, my dear. Secrets are better left kept don't you think?" Mona continued.

Paige almost would have enjoyed the moment had it not been for the words that supplied the irony.

"No, but some are just meant not to see the light of day."

Paige rubs her wrists and immediately chastises herself.

"I'm, sorry for what they do to you Mona. I know they ignore you. I understand that. At least you are ignored. She at least doesn't torture you like she does me." She continued. Paige understood Mona more than she should admit.

"It could have been me you know? Not Hanna… I could have…Maybe one day, we could be the ones torturing. WE could be in control. Rule everything. Take that snob down. I could be with Hanna, there would be no barriers. We could be the best of friends. You could have Emily. It would be…"

"Perfect."

"Look I have to go Mona, but if you ever need a friend know I am here for you." Paige smiled at her fellow cast away.

They would never be good enough, how could they ever be? What is "good" anyway? There is good in evil and evil in good. It just has to be brought about in the right way.

"You can count on it." Mona laughed manically when she saw Paige out of ear shot, and she looked back towards the show. Alison was good, but Mona was better.

Anger, sadness, ongoing, all swirled within. It was a hurricane. It was unstoppable. Within both of them, flowing through the veins two completely harmless girls. Paige left barley being able to see straight. She could not think. She took her bike and rode home.

Paige suddenly got a text from an unknown number.

**Why don't we be friends?-A**

Alison? That was impossible. After everything that had happened to them? She hated Paige. She would pick on her, torture her. This couldn't be from Alison.

Luckily the texts stopped after that. The next day she found something else unexpected. A letter, addressed to her. It looked like Emily's writing. What if Alison had actually sent the text? Maybe she was being accepted. Maybe she was finally going to enjoy school. Maybe she would not get kicked out of all the lunch tables when it was too cold. Maybe this was her way out. Maybe just maybe Pru wouldn't be her only friend. She could get closer to her fascination.


	3. -A deception

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

Paige had to admit when she read the letter it seemed too good to be true. She should have known better. She should have known, how could she be so stupid? Paige knew it was wrong. How could she let her competitive side get the best of her? She should have never messed with Alison, now she was in for it.

It actually started when playing field hockey. Spencer and Alison were out on the field and Paige accidently hurt Alison.

She was sure Alison would cry to her friends. Maybe Spencer would pretend like she did not notice? She was still trying to score a point and really did not fully focused and Paige hoped that one day that distraction would help. She did not mean to hurt Alison, it really was an accident. When playing the game, Paige did not notice what she would do. This through, she noticed. It was not able to be ignored.

She had hurt Alison, the Alison, and she knew she would pay. The thing is that she had not expected it to be so cruel.

The letter was a fake. It was a ploy. It was used to draw Paige out.

In that moment Paige felt the earth crumble beneath her. She was eaten alive. Gravity made her feet feel like cinder blocks.

"Ali- Alison?" She had just taped her response to what Emily had written to her where she said to. It spoke of want, fear, and Paige dared to think, love. "What are you doing here?"

She then saw Alison go towards her letter.

"No! NO! NO!" Paige felt everything drop to her gut. She felt every feeling of dread. She played with the lion being dead meat and now she would hear its mighty roar.

"Oh Paige Paige Paige. Do you have a little crush on my friend Em? How sad. You actually thought you stood a chance did you? She'll always pick me over you. Get that through your head now. It's A little creepy to, I'd say you are obsessed. She's out of your league, you have to learn how to pleasure yourself in, other ways." Alison rolled her eyes.

"It's a skin condition!" It was random, Paige was not thinking obviously, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. "Please just, give-give it back! Give it back Now!" Paige continued trying to act confidently but her own voice betrayed her.

"I wonder if you daddy or mom would enjoy this little written word produced by their own daughter. They'd be so proud. Of course, at first, only because they would believe it was an essay of some sort but then they'd read it! How fun and delightful! Is your daddy still a deacon at that big church?"

She heard a car honk calling for Alison's return. She could not make out the driver. One of her friends she was sure, maybe even Emily, her  
>Emily, no not HER Emily, that would never happen.<p>

"You're mine now Pig Skin! I own you! If you so as even breathe in my direction, well, I have ammunition."

Paige was tired of it. She became brave only for a moment but that was enough. She looked Alison dead in the eyes. She saw the other flinch when the convertible came up again.

Neither would let the other have anything over their head.

Paige lost her bravery. She rode her bike back to her home.

"Paige! Are you alright?"

Paige's mother could see how distraught her daughter was and wanted to help.

"I don't want to talk about it mom!"

She went upstairs and slammed close the door. The walls that made her feel free confined her once more. The white walls were prison. She had always asked her mother to let her decorate. She wanted to be a normal teen, put up posters, blast loud music, surf the internet, and she could not even do that. Her parents would monitor her. Even if she did, she would not get their approval on the types of things she wanted.  
>She was an Edgar Allan Poe kind of girl, and that says a lot. They would not understand what went on in her head half of the time, and even if they tried they would be too disgusted with her to learn more.<p>

She was tired of letting other people control her. She felt her life was in chaos. There was no control.

She heard a knock on her door.

"Let me in Paige."

"Just go away."

"Paige, I can't, I can't help you if you do not tell me what is going on."

She opened the door.

"Is- Is this what you wanted to see mom? Me crying? Me feeling completely worthless?"

"Honey."

"I- I can't…"

"You don't have to tell me." Paige's mom sighed. "You are going through a stage right now. You are emotional. It's normal. You are changing. It's normal to feel…"

"God mom stop!" Paige said.

"Well it's true. I went through it too, we all did. Even boys do, they just, mature more slowly.

"I feel so out of pace."

Paige's mom sighed. "Paige we have to talk."

Suddenly Paige was nervous.

"What- What about?"

Had Ali already gotten to her somehow? No that was impossible.

Her mother took out a typed folded note from her pocket.

**You should tell them. If you don't I will.-A**

"Do you know who this is?"

"NO!"

"Paige, don't lie to me. Lying is a sin remember that?"

"I'm not lying!"

"What does this, -A person, think you should say? To who?"

"To you."

The silence filled the room to full capacity.

"What do you need to tell me and your father Paige? I'm assuming that is what they meant by them."

Paige just nodded.

"Mom- I- I'm-"Paige could not even say it so she came up with the next best thing. "I'm quitting field hockey after next year."

It was truth enough, she wanted out of it.

"Paige, your trainer that we PAY for will not be happy about this."

"Well I will still be into sports. Maybe I can take up swimming or something."  
>Just then Paige wanted to kick herself. She forgot that Emily was captain. Maybe somewhere in the back of her mind there was just some part of her that just wanted to be near her. They could be friends. She did not care what Alison said. Paige needed more friends. She was tired most of all.<p>

"Swimming?"

"Um, yeah mom, why not?"

"That might be good, a new outlet. You must get bored doing the same thing every year."

Paige simply nodded.

"I suppose I could talk to your father and try to convince him of it. It would be a better pull for you at least when it comes to athletic scholarships as there are not many swimmers. You could go to the top easily, especially with your already athletic physique."

"Well I have to try out first, before the next school year begins. It'll probably be sometime after this summer."

That thought alone made Paige a little more at ease. She would not have to deal with anyone from school the next few months. She could focus on her work and enjoy herself.


	4. First encounters

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

The moment finally came when it felt as if the beast was slain. Alison, much to Paige's surprise, was gone. Long gone, she couldn't, cause pain anymore.

Paige did not feel any joy at this fact; she however, did feel relief.

There was a major difference.

She could live her life now, just ignore, and not have to deal with anything. It was like she had been drowning and had just come up for air.

Like when she was seven and for the first time dove into twelve feet of water for and it took her forever to fight the natural heaviness, therefore a lifetime to come up.

That natural pressure was Alison, and she had finally broken free.

Paige supposed in this scenario that would mean her mom was the teacher who should have been watching her but wasn't. Still, she was a teenager, what should she expect? Mothers cared, but didn't notice, her grades were fine, and she never let on.

It was another summer day, just a regular old day, when she went missing, just another day, when her body was identified.

Paige's secret died with Alison. Mona knew, but she wouldn't tell because she didn't want to make an enemy of Paige.

Paige was not heartless. She was there, at the funeral. She was there, in the background, wearing a black dress as was proper.  
>She was there just as Officer Wilden, Ezra, and all the girls of Alison's pack were.<p>

Her lungs clenched, her hands tightened. She figured Alison may even be happy in some way. She wanted to be cinematic, timeless, noteworthy, and now she was.

It was funny, she figured, everyone in the entire school just expected her to yell. Everyone in the entire school expected her to walk into the funeral and ask "who died?" because that was such an Alison thing to do. People expected her to open the top of the casket and laugh, cheeks rosy, eyes glittering. That's how larger than life she was.

Paige just figured that, people expected too much.

Dead girls can't play tricks she supposed, even with some somber feeling.

It was a new found freedom, and a new trap in a way.

There was nothing pushing her anymore.

She saw Emily, grieving, mourning, it hurt her too. Her face, stricken with tears.

Still, she went out, and felt the sun on her skin, making her feel at least half alive.

It was another summer day, just like any other, except it wasn't, not in the grand scheme of things.

She heard rumors, about the girls, about other students that Alison tortured including Lucas, and yes even Mona, who she thought was untouched, and who she hoped was untouched. She thought back to when she said she would take care of it, "Loser Mona" taking care of things, she didn't think that possible.

She could understand if Mona was driven to insanity in some way, but, not even she was capable of killing Alison she believed.

**_Captain, Oh Captain, Don't Worry Pigskin, I'll Get You That Spot. Watch Out For The High-Tide-A_**

She shook. She thought it was over. She saw the girls get texts too, all at the same time, maybe one of them is playing the others, that could be possible, couldn't it? It couldn't be Emily though, she, was Emily.

She wondered why things had to be so confusing.

Spencer? She always hated Paige, just like Alison. She hated to be out-smarted and out played. Paige had hurt Alison once, accidently, on the field, and had given Spencer her fair share of bumps and bruises. They were naturally competitive, maybe this was just another game, another test, another way…but that was illogical.

This –A… Paige shivered…It sounded like her demon. It sounded like Alison. No one called Paige that with such obvious disdain, no one but Alison. It was a joking nickname,people could be so cruel, but this person was out for blood.  
>The question was obvious then, why did they want to help her advance? They nearly destroyed her and knew it with their last text. She needed information. She needed proof. She couldn't go to the cops. That'd be impossible. She'd be signing her life away if she did that, at least when it came to her life with her parents.<br>She started to walk out of the funeral home, distraught and uncertain.

That's when it happened.

She literally bumped into Emily, nearly knocking them both off their feet, but Paige caught herself as Emily was starting to go down, luckily Paige caught her in time.

"Uhh…h-hi." Paige stood up and dusted herself off. "Sorry are you okay?"

"Yeah, my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going. My thoughts are scrambled, all over the place."

Paige nodded. "Don't worry, me too. I'm sorry, about, uh, Alison you know." Paige said. "That must, be hard to, lose- you know, a friend." Paige smiled at Emily.

"Thanks."

"I mean- going to the same school. You hear things, and she wasn't that awesome of a person."

Emily looked down with sadness.

"But," Paige continued, she didn't want to be the cause of this melancholy feeling shown on Emily's face. "No one deserves what happened to her. She had her whole life ahead of her and, well, you do too."

"I-I'm sorry. You said we went to the same school?"

"Yeah-I'm, in a few of your classes, and I'm thinking of you know, joining the swim team next year. I know you are anchor and the best. That's a big accomplishment."

Emily couldn't help but feel bashful. "Well, it was nice of you to talk to me."

Paige realized she hadn't helped Emily completely to her feet, and felt like she failed at the one thing she was supposed to do, and that was be a decent human being.

"Oh I'm sooooo sorry, here let me…" She extended her hand and Emily quickly took hold.

Paige couldn't help but falter a bit but she still held her own,nerves she supposed.

"Thanks, again." Emily said looking into the other girl's eyes.

"Paige. Paige McCullers." Paige blurted. "Sorry, just, figured you should know."

Paige was definitely not the smoothest person in the bunch, but she tried.

"Yeah, Paige, that's a pretty name. Sorry, that, we haven't, well, that I didn't know that already… your name I mean."

"It's okay. It's hard to live when you were on, planet Alison. I mean you have your friends, I'm… more…"

"Independent?" Emily supplied.

"I was going to say, under the radar, but eh… I guess you could call it that." Paige laughed nervously. "Anyway…I should, get going, My mom is probably waiting…I wanted to ride my bike but…"

"She didn't want you to. Yeah. I'll see you around?" Emily questioned.

"Hopefully." The other replied earnestly.

Emily felt lost herself. She and the other girls got a text message at the same time, at first they thought it was just more condolences, but it wasn't. It was weird thinking her friend was gone but getting a text along with the other that made it seem like Alison was still alive.  
>In that moment as they walked away from each other for the first time, they decided the same thing just by coincidence. That they would find out whom this person was, no matter the cost. They were on the same path, and they didn't even know it. They also didn't know that in their moment their fate was sealed and they were bound to each other and would be, because although this was the first time they met and Paige was weary of Emily in her own right, thinking she was more like Alison than one would think, both knew that there was something about the other they would never be able to shake off.<p> 


	5. Drowning in -A mistake

**Disclaimer I do not own PLL**

Paige did not want to do it. She didn't! Not really. -A left no choices though, no room for decisions to be made. Emily had left and came back and now Paige was worried she left because of -A. Paige was worried because Emily seemed to be the only person to be made into a specific target, she was the only person hurt, the only person other than her family and Pru that she actually cared for. No one knew about -A, not really.

**The Tide Is About To Turn. In This Case, You're The Storm. Give Emily A Scare, Rough Her Up A Bit. -A**

Paige had easily gone to the top in the absence of Emily. She was going through things with her new "friend" Maya. Paige wasn't stupid now, they were not just friends, but now Maya was gone. Paige hadn't heard from -A other than a few condescending comments here and there. It was all shrouded in metaphor, about her wanting to be a shark, but was really just a scared little fish. That one actually made Paige laugh in a way, she could find the dark sense of humor entertaining at times, not really intimidating, because this -A seemed to like her in their own twisted way. It was like she was just another player, no, less, she was a pawn in their chess game of life.

Emily was nothing but sweet, Paige couldn't dream of hurting her, which is why for the first time since her mom almost found out about her, she was filled with actual fear from this -A person. How far were they actually willing to go to keep hold of their power? What lines would they actually cross?

Paige shook her head, she would never do it. She couldn't do it. She was violent and angry but she would never direct that outward. She hurt herself, not other people, and even that had gotten better.

**Do It or No More Empty Threats About Telling Mommy And Daddy Your Dirty Secret. Emily Looked Pretty in That Dress Today Huh?-A**

Paige took a deep breath. Then she felt like she couldn't breathe. It was all coming at once and her head was spinning out of control. She quietly walked out of the shower stalls. That's when she saw Emily alone, in the pool, practicing and trying to get her form and muscle back up. She had quit for "personal reasons", at least that's what had been said about her absence, and now that she was back it wasn't uncommon to see her get back into the zone.

That's when she looked around, before Emily saw her as she was behind a wall hiding but surveying the area. She knew –A had to be watching, they were somewhere, they always were. She had gotten to be captain, she had done what they wanted her to do before. When Emily first showed up she was snarky, making comments, because –A told her to. She of course may have taken things a bit far, but that was her own self- hatred coming out, not her hatred of Emily. In fact maybe some of it was covering up her like for Emily, and transferring her hatred of Alison onto the poor girl. This was the first time however that –A seemed her to want to become physical. The thought of that scared her, she would never be violent to another person, even if it was Alison in that pool in that moment, and she had every opportunity, unless by accident she had never intentionally hurt someone.

"I'm sorry Emily." She whispered to herself out of anyone's earshot, well it was only her and the other girl at the pool.

Emily was coming up from underwater and she held her down.

It reminded Paige of holding down her own feelings. It was the physical personification of what she had felt every day, and sometimes still does, even if it was getting better. She wondered what life for her would have been like without Emily, the girl she had been caught up on, hung up on, what would happen if she let the person that held her affections, would just not be. Utter dismay was written on her face at just the thought, and finally she let Emily back up for air. She had taken things too far, she had gotten lost in her cursed mind again, and now Emily paid.

Then she made herself cold once more, not letting Emily know how much she meant to her. She tasted bile in her mouth and felt like throwing up at what she had just done when she saw the pure panic written on Emily's face.

She tried to come up with reasoning for her actions. She tried to be logical, but Emily looked up at her with such fury and she really couldn't think.

"I know what you're trying to do!" Paige yelled.

The rest was a blur. Yelling between the two girls. This was so much different from their first meetings and Paige just wished she could just go back there, console Emily, and protect Emily from who she had become partially from –A and partially from her own bitterness. Paige could admit she wasn't perfect, even if she had just been pushed to the brink and fallen off the edge with no parachute. Paige always knew she was a ticking time bomb. She just never expected Emily to be there when she went off.

Everything was still a blur.

The next thing she remembered was being at her house, behind a closed door, not able to live with herself. Closed doors were never good when it came to Paige, but no one knew, because no one cared. Paige pondered, she took that back, people cared, she couldn't even say they didn't understand, because Emily understood. Paige came to her final conclusion, it was just that people didn't realize, no one realized.

Paige couldn't help but wonder if this was, well, hell. She wondered if living was the eternity of torture that her father constantly spoke about.

**A/N Mannn that was hard to write, and it has been so long and I profusely apologize. Life got a bit too real for me, like it has been INTENSE. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the update.**


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